Saturday, May 2, 2009

Trapped in a Torture Chamber Part III

Hmm. More knocking. I must be the doctor.

"You wished to see me, ma'am?"

Yup. Doctor. I wish my doctor was a woman though. Then I could pretend to have some hot chick "examining" me, even if I couldn't feel it. But he's probably some middle-aged burnout who hates his life. Sick.

"Yes. I want to know what you have to say about my son."

"Well, ma'am, it's like the nurse said. Nothing has changed. But at least his condition is stable."

"What about his chances of recovering? How long will he be like this?"

"The chances of him recovering are minimal. I highly doubt anything will change."

Mom must be crying. Her breathing's changed. Faster, shallow breaths. A little rattly. Oi. Poor doctor. Mom is really hard to resist when she sheds tears. But she knows that. Maybe that's what she's doing, trying to get him to tell her I'll recover even if it's a lie I'd tell her myself if I could.

"Ma'am, I know this must be hard for you, first your husband, now your son - "

"He's not dead yet!"

Silence. Painful, numbing silence. So is that where dad is? Dead? I guess it would explain why she's a mess. But fuck. FUCK. Please tell me that's a lie and I'm just jumping to conclusions. FUCK!

I guess the doctor is leaving. Yup, there's the door. Aw, shit! That sounded like mom just feel. I would've caught her. Fucking douche, didn't even stay to make sure she was okay! Now she's on the floor crying and no one is there for her. Why do I have to hear this? Why couldn't I have just been a vegetable? Why do I have to live through this torture? Fuck my life!!!

I can'tg do this - listen to my mom collapsed on the floor crying over me and ... uhg, I can't even think it. Because there's no way dad is gone. It's dad, he's always there. His quirckiness, his spontaneous laughter - no, he's not dead. He's going to walk in through the door any second now laughing and bringing in coffee. Mom will look up and smile because you can't help it when you see his face.

But I can't wait for that. I don't want to hear this. You know, I never used to be this tired before. But what can I do besides sleep? And it'll be a pleasant release from this waking nightmare.

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