Friday, December 18, 2009

Trapped In a Torture Chamber Part V

I want to sleep, but it scares me. Sometimes I'm scared I won't wake up. But then again, would it really be all that bad to die? I don't know how long I've been here. Days, weeks, it all blurs into one so I have no idea. And yet, I still don't want to die. Maybe that's why I'm not dead yet.

Still, is it possible to pull out of this? I'm not changing. I've lost count of the number of check-ups I've had, but I do know one thing: I haven't changed. The doctors don't talk to mom anymore, but she doesn't talk to them either. I hate it because it makes it so much harder to know what's going on.

Mom isn't here all the time anymore. I can tell she leaves. My guess is she goes to work, but who knows? She doesn't cry as much, either. Of course, she still does, just not as much as before. It makes it harder to know when she's here and when she's not.

She isn't the only one who visits me, though. I've heard various friends coming in, but I've been surprised by who hasn't. Jared hasn't come by. Neither has Eric or Karri. But no one says what is going on or anything. Oi. It's so frustrating. Why does it have to be like this?!

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